Russian Girl Writes About Alligators Funny With Errors
A little lizard
A little lizard is walking through the jungle one day and spots a koala bear up in a tree.
"Hey, what are you doing?" asks the little lizard. Koala bear replies, "I'm getting high, come up and join me."
So the little lizard climbs the tree and shares a joint with the koala bear. Pretty soon the little lizard gets thirsty, he spots the river and says he's going to go get a drink. So the little lizard climbs down the tree, walks over to the river and as he is drinking he ends up falling in. An alligator saw this and rushes over to help the little lizard out of the water.
"What the heck are you doing?" asks the alligator.
"Well, I was getting high with the koala bear in the tree and then I got thirsty and then...."
"Whoa, wait a minute. You were getting high with a koala bear? I've got to see this." Says the alligator as he goes walking off into the jungle.
The alligator spots the koala bear in the tree and shouts up "Hey, what are you doing up there?"
The koala bear looks down and says "Shiiiiiiiiiiit, Dude, how much water did you drink?"
Alligator and genitals
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and says I will bet anybody that I can put my genitals into his mouth for 1 minute and take them out unharmed. Everybody put money into this and after 1 min he smashes a beer bottle on the alligators head and pulls his genitals out unharmed and offers anybody else a try. A woman puts up her hand and says "ill give it a try, but you gave to promise not to hit me on the head with a bottle."
A few insurance workers are gathered at lunch when...
a wrinkly, old woman walks up. She approaches them with her hands behind her back and says to them, "If any of you can guess what is behind my back, you can sleep with me!"
The men all laugh before one man yells out, "I dont know. A fully grown alligator!"
The old woman shows a big smile and responds, "Close enough!"
Did you hear about the alligator who couldn't get a hard-on?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
A woman goes to the vet with her pet alligator...
She says "doctor, there is something wrong with my gator. I just caught him acting like a cat and meowing at a squirrel instead of eating it!"
After running a few tests the vet concludes that the alligator has a-reptile dysfunction.
Horror at the zoo
A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says
*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*
The man responds, *What happened?*
*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*
The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*
What do you get when you cross Miley Cyrus with an alligator?
A caiman like a wrecking ball.
Did you hear about the Ethiopian man that fell into an alligator pit?
They say he ate 7 alligators before they could drag him out of there.
So I just heard there is a disease killing off the Alligator population in Florida.
They all got Gatorades.
What do you get when you cross a child and an alligator?
An alligator.
What's green and bad for your eyes?
An alligator.
You can explore alligator hippopotamus reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean alligator gatoraids dad jokes. There are also alligator puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How does a Japanese alligator express its gratitude?
Aligato
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.
$200″ – he replied.
That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.
Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!
What do you call an alligator that always starts fights?
An instigator!
Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
What do you give an injured alligator?
Gatorade
how do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
one will see you later,
and the other in a while
What are the two biggest differences between an alligator and a crocodile?
The spelling and pronunciation.
Words Ending With OR
A teacher asks a class to name a living object that eats things ending in OR.
First little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good," replies the teacher.
Second little boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, very good," replies the teacher.
Little Johnny then says, "vibrator, Miss."
Teacher replies, "That's a big word but it doesn't actually eat anything does it?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well, my sister has a big one and she says it eat batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
An alligator decided to have unprotected sex...
Now he has Gatorades.
What do you call an alligator with a map?
A Navigator.
I got ass-raped by an HIV-positive alligator the other day
Now I have gatoraids
A teacher asked her third grade class to
name things that ended with tor that eat things.
The first little boy said, Alligator.
Very good James, that's a big word.
The second boy said, Predator.
Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done.
Little Johnny says, Vibrator.
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything.
Well my mother has one and she says it eats frickin' batteries like there's no tomorrow!
What is it called when an alligator can't get an erection?
A reptile dysfunction
Two alligators were swimming next to a law firm...
*
A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator
He asks, _"Do you serve lawyers here?"_
The bartender says, _"Yes, of course we do!"_
The man says, _"OK, I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."_
If two alligators have reach an agreement...
... do they have a crocodeal?
Carry A Flashlight
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
Alligators can live up to 100 years...
Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An Investigator.
Zoology Tip
You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
A tough guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash.
When he has everyone's attention, he grabs the alligator by the mouth, opens it, and let's it chomp down on his crotch. He counts to ten, then hits the gator on the head with a beer bottle and it lets go. When the applause dies down, he offers $1,000 to anyone that can do that . The bar is dead quiet, and finally a little old lady raises her hand. I'll try it...but just don't hit me that hard on the head with the beer bottle .
How to tell a alligator from a crocodile
One will see you later
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator
Alligators can grow up to 20 feet
But most of them only grow four
What do you call an alligator that solves crimes and day trades on the side?
An Investigator
Some Alligators can grow up to 15 feet
but most only have 4.
What do you call a STD you get from a alligator
GatorAIDS
If someone says see you later alligator you must respond with in a while crocodile
It's in the bye laws
Two of my favorite quotes were said by cold-blooded killers
"See you later" - Alligator
"After while" - Crocodile
What did the alligator get after sleeping with a hooker
Gatoraids
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts
"Hey are you a caiman?"
"I'm alright, thanks kid!" He replies
How do you cook alligator meat?
In a croc pot!
A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...
but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.
This one isn't wearing any shoes either!
How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
It depends on whether you'll see them later or in a while.
Skinny dipping
A farmer heads down to the pond carrying a bucket. As he nears the pond he hears voices. It's a bunch of girls skinny dipping. The girls hear him coming and all head down to the deep end. "We see you!" shouts one of them. "We're not coming out until you've gone". The farmer says "What? You think I've come all this way just to see a bunch of naked girls? Sheesh. Nahhh, I just came down here to feed the alligator".
I was going to cook alligator for dinner
But then I realized I only have a croc pot
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts "Hey are you a caiman?"
"I'm alright, thanks kid", he replies.
Alligators can live up to 100 years
Which is why they have an increased chance of seeing you later
An alligator asked an electric eel, hey, can I touch you?
Electric eel: Yes, but I'd have to charge you.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator
He says to the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
Bartender says, "Yep, sure do!"
The guy says, "Great! I'll have a scotch neat, and my alligator will have a lawyer."
What do you get when you cross a map and an alligator?
A navigator
(Thought of this one myself I'm proud of it even if it ain't good)
Two redneck guys were sitting on a dock in Georgia, drinking beer and fishing with their feet dangling in the water.
One guy said, "Oh no. An alligator just bit one of my feet off." The other guy said, "Which one?" And the first guy said, "How should I know? All the alligators look alike."
Alligator in a bar
Says to the bartender, see that woman over there? I'm gonna eat her.
Bartender says you do and you'll fall fast asleep.
In disbelief the Alligator does just that. Eats the woman and proceeds to fall asleep for some time. Wakes up befuddled and asks the bartender how did you know?
Bartender says easy,
Thats a bar bitch you ate
I was going to cook an alligator today
but I remembered that I only had a crock pot
How do you tell the difference between an alligator or a crocodile?
It depends if they see you later or in awhile.
I was going to make alligator stew for dinner tonight
But then I realized I only have a croc pot.
What do you call an alligator with an investment account?
An investigator
So I was out at the museum with my daughter today and got the ultimate dad joke. Employee asks kids "Does anyone know the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?"
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?
Daughter groaned, employee laughed and other dad's nodded approvingly.
You know why I didn't cook alligator for dinner?
I only have a croc-pot.
(Interestingly told to me by my mom, but it's a total dad joke lol)
I learned the difference between an alligator and a crocodile
An alligator will see you later and a crocodile will see you after a while
Source: https://jokojokes.com/alligator-jokes.html
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